When you’re having a bad week…

Do you ever notice that when you are having a bad week, everyone makes it out to be your fault?  Well if you weren’t so sensitive, if you didn’t instigate it, if you weren’t so difficult, if you just learned to let stuff go, if you just grew thicker skin, if you just didn’t let that stuff bother you…  

Does anyone else out there go to the gas station, or some other secluded place, and sit in your car to cry for no other reason than to let go of some stress?  

I do.  I don’t want anyone to see me. I don’t want anyone to know that I’m not able to handle it all.  I don’t want anyone to see that I have weakness.  I don’t want anyone to worry about me because I know everyone has enough to worry about already.

Do you feel lonely when you are alone?  I don’t.  I feel the most alone when I’m not alone.  I feel like I don’t belong and that is the loneliest of all.  

Being in a relationship void of love comes in at a close second.  It’s a strange feeling, being married to someone who doesn’t care to get to know who you really are but thinks they love you deeply…  It isn’t love if you don’t know who they are.  

How do I find my happiness?  How do I learn to take care of my emotional self when I’ve pushed it so deep inside that I’m not sure it exists anymore?

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